There’s a version of motherhood that people post online—the smiles, the cute outfits, the perfectly captured moments. And then there’s the version many of us actually live. The one filled with healing, growing, and sometimes carrying pain while still showing up every day for the little people who depend on us.
Today I want to talk about something deeply personal: healing while raising children.
Motherhood has a way of bringing both joy and vulnerability into your life at the same time. Sometimes the season when you’re supposed to be celebrating new life is also the season when you’re trying to heal from things that shook you.
When I was pregnant with my son, something happened that changed me in ways I’m still unpacking.
During my pregnancy, a doctor told me she was giving me one medication. But what I later learned was that the medication she actually gave me was something different. Because of that, when I went in to deliver my son, I failed two drug tests.
Imagine being in one of the most vulnerable moments of your life—about to give birth—and suddenly people are looking at you like you’ve done something wrong.
The nurses and doctors believed I had been using drugs. No matter how much I tried to explain that I hadn’t taken anything, they didn’t believe me. In that moment, I felt powerless. I felt scared. I felt like my voice didn’t matter.
But one nurse decided to look deeper.
She went back through the records and discovered what had actually happened—that the doctor had given me something different than what I was told. That moment changed everything. That nurse speaking up helped clear the situation and protected both me and my baby.
To this day, I thank God for her.
But even though the truth came out, the emotional impact stayed with me.
What happened during that experience triggered a deep depression. The stress, the fear, the feeling of being judged during one of the most important moments of my life—it took a toll on me. I ended up taking two years off work because I needed time to recover mentally and emotionally.
And while I was still trying to heal from everything that happened, life surprised me again.
I became pregnant with my daughter… while I still had an IUD.
Yes, you read that right.
My children are about 13 months apart, and when I found out I was pregnant again while still trying to process everything I had just been through, I cried for an entire week.
I was overwhelmed.
I was still healing.
I was still trying to find myself again.
And suddenly I was preparing to welcome another baby.
Motherhood doesn’t always happen on the timeline we imagine. Sometimes it arrives with unexpected challenges, and sometimes it asks us to grow faster than we feel ready for.
But one thing I know for sure is this: I would not have made it without my family.
They were my support system when I felt like I was falling apart. They reminded me of my strength when I couldn’t see it in myself. They stood beside me while I worked through the depression, the fear, and the emotional weight of everything that had happened.
Healing isn’t always quick. Sometimes it takes years. Sometimes it happens slowly while you’re still raising children, still changing diapers, still waking up in the middle of the night, still learning how to be the mother your children need.
But healing is possible.
And if you’re a mom reading this who feels like you’re still carrying pieces of pain while raising your babies, I want you to know something important:
You are not broken.
You are healing.
And the fact that you are still showing up for your children while doing that healing work is a strength that deserves recognition.
Motherhood isn’t just about raising children. Sometimes it’s also about rebuilding yourself while doing it.
A Verse That Carried Me Through
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
— Psalm 147:3